The Creative Parent Method: Finding Emotional Regulation with Your Pre-K Child By Stephanie McLeod-Estevez, LCPC

There’s nothing quite like the exuberant pre-k child, they’re full of energy and wonder. Some of my favorite memories as a mom come from these years, especially listening to how my boys tried to understand the how and why of the world. Their explanations were often funny and insightful.

Emotionally, 3-5 year olds are in the phase of initiative vs guilt, according to Erik Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development. Initiative means learning how to feel more in control of yourself, within reason, and be responsible for the outcome. Learning from mistakes is a critical experience of developing a healthy belief in your ability to manage the ups and downs of life.

Opportunity to try is vital for your child to learn how to initiate. If you limit, control, or fail to offer emotional support when things don’t go well, your child is more likely to experience unhealthy guilt that stems from not feeling good enough. 

The main developmental needs of children who are 3-5 years old include forming a sense of identity, emotional regulation, social skills, and empathy. This is a time when growing your feelings vocabulary and understanding social expectations will be crucial for your child to feel successful.  

Art therapy is a powerful tool for self expression, because it helps you become aware of the less conscious aspects of your experience. This makes it easier to soothe distress. 

I’ve designed the following exercises for pre-k children with their specific needs in mind.

You don’t have to be an artist to benefit from these practices. There’s no right or wrong way to do it, just follow your creative instinct. 

1. Get-It-Out drawing/painting. If you notice that your child has a lot of energy or strong emotions brewing, invite them to show you what’s happening inside. Finger paints, crayons, and markers are great options to have on hand for them to show you. 

You can model this by also drawing and painting how you’re feeling inside. Refrain from making comments about what you see, instead describe your paintings to each other. Then you can start helping them name their emotions by asking them what feeling they’re representing through art.

The creative process will slow down whatever is happening inside, which makes it easier to understand oneself. Playing soothing music will help their body settle down. Making art enhances creative problem solving skills, which assists with emotional regulation and self-confidence.

2. Collaborative drawing/painting. Since pre-k children are working on their social skills, practice them by making something together. Each person starts with their own piece of paper. Set a timer for how long you’ll be creating prior to switching paper. Do this until everyone has worked on each other’s original creation.

When you’re done, take turns describing what you see on the paper you started with. This is an opportunity to talk about how working together made the experience richer. You can give praise for how your child did with sharing and how their contribution made the artwork unique.

3. Feeling Good Inside. As humans, we’re really good at noticing when something doesn’t feel right. However, paying attention to when you are feeling happy and content is important. This facilitates positive thinking, problem solving, and noticing what kinds of social dynamics and experiences bring you joy.

Suggest this project when you can tell that your child is feeling good or when you want to capture a sweet moment. Once they’re familiar with this activity, it can also help them feel better inside when times are tough. 

However, if you want them to feel better, start with them expressing their hurt, because avoiding or stuffing hard feelings is problematic. Once you’ve validated their feelings, you can ask them to show through art how they can help themselves feel better. Even if their actions come with consequences, they’ll feel more connected to you which helps them learn the lesson.

Raising pre-k children is a rambunctious time. These exercises are designed to help you and your child work together. May these recommendations help you to feel more capable as a parent and more connected as a family. 

Stephanie McLeod-Estevez, LCPC is an art therapist and breast cancer survivor who is passionate about helping people live life boldly, no matter what kinds of obstacles they face. Her motto is, “Be curious… Live Radiantly”. Learn more about her work at www.stephaniemcleodestevez.com and subscribe to her Let’s talk Art Therapy… Tips, Tools, Strategies & Resources newsletter at https://beautifulboobs.substack.com/.