Self Love and Reparenting by Leslie Bost
Name all the people you love. Now tell me, how long did it take you to name yourself?
Mama, I get you. As women, we are natural care-givers. We give ourselves to Motherhood. To our husbands or partners, to our friends, our work. We care!
Specifically as a mother, whether you are working outside of the home or your full time job is being a stay at home mom, you constantly think about all the things that need to happen and you need to do to help your children thrive and survive. In fact, you are SO busy caring for them and everyone in the family system that you probably forget the single most important thing to care for: YOURSELF!
So why do you put yourself last? Simple question with a not so simple answer.
We think that the best way to love is literally to loose ourselves loving others, serving and caring for others. Not caring for ourselves goes beyond a messed up cultural belief that mothers need to be fully committed to their children, despite their own needs, if they truly love them. We have internalized the belief that self-care, self-love is selfish. We get so busy caring that we literally forget that we matter too. Until of course, we are burned out, resentful, overwhelmed and so exhausted that we explode. Typically taking it out on our kids, partner or life.
Most of us also had some sort of trauma that made us feel not worthy of the love that we needed. Our parents did the best they could, but along the way we were left feeling not seen, heard or loved the way we needed and this became so painful to our psyche in childhood, that we literally go through life not seeing, hearing or loving ourselves.
Add to the equation that our caregivers modeled that any type of self-care was not only selfish, but also wrong. So fast forward to today, when we take time for ourselves, we feel guilty and not worthy. Please understand that when I say self-care, I am not talking about a trip to the Spa with the girls once a month. I am talking about giving ourselves caring love, self-love daily.
So how do we change this belief? How can we start loving ourselves enough to put our needs first? How can we honor ourselves?
One word for you: Reparenting.
Reparenting is the process of giving yourself all the love that you deserve. Giving yourself all that that you didn’t get as a child. As an adult, you can now stop expecting people outside of you (specifically your parents) to give you all that they couldn't give you. You can stop projecting these needs on to your partner and children and take action for YOU.
Reparenting helps you learn and give your wounded inner child all the love, respect, and dignity they deserved when you were young. Also helps you with self-confidence, emotional management and setting healthy boundaries from a place of love and compassion to YOU.
Get to know yourself. What are your dreams, desires, fears (aside from what culture dictates)? What thoughts rule your life? What patterns come up in your relationships and experiences?
Some ideas for loving on yourself can be as simple as seeing yourself in the mirror and appreciating all you are without labels, just you, without judgment. Going to therapy, making time to sit quietly on your own for even 5 mins. Maybe you start a meditation practice, move your body or start journaling, ask for help, join a community of like minded moms, study something new, do something you love everyday, listen to your body, treat yourself like your best friend or maybe it’s as simple as a long shower. And though some of these things seem small and possibly insignificant, slowly they add up if done with intention. With the intention to connect with yourself daily. You deserve your love.
Dr. Shefali Tsabary, Author of “The Conscious Parent” says “your own self-care is the most radical act of compassion you can perform”. The moment you allow your love to flow your way, the more you will see it flow outwardly. The world might need you, but you need you too!
You may ask yourself: how much or how often is too often? The answer is daily. You abandon yourself daily, love yourself daily.
So, in case you feel like you need permission to love yourself… It is time to stop abandoning yourself and to model to your children how to care for themselves when they become adults. Change happens now, take this article and make it happen! Permission granted.
My name is Leslie, I live a Nomadic life with my husband and 4 children. You will usually find us on the ocean or between Los Cabos, Mexico & San Miguel de Allende, MX. I am a human being that deeply cares. I care about the connection with our children, our world, and mostly the connection to ourselves. I believe that if we nourish ourselves from within, with loving self-care on a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual level, we will become the change we want to see.
The origin of my story into healing started after much trauma, abuse, abandonment, adoption, eating disorders, deep depression, multiple miscarriages, complicated pregnancies, NICU babies, and all of the challenges that these experiences bring to a marriage and parenting. This journey brought me to healing through mindfulness, meditation, therapy, compassion, and ultimately conscious parenting with Dr. Shefali Tsabary, trauma-informed work with Dr. Gabor Mate & Spiritual Psychology with Suzi Lula. This process of liberation guided me through years of study to develop a methodology by which I help others.
My goal is to guide overwhelmed women, coaches & parents to tap into their inner power, create compassionate inner connection and navigate life so they can better understand their triggers, patterns, beliefs and connect with their loved ones. I would love to connect with you and compassionately provide a space to guide you to a better connection within and with your wise ones. Join me on Instagram @sabiosparenting & Clubhouse @leslielbost webpage: http://www.sabiosparenting.com