Rest in postpartum: knowing your worth and gathering your village by Dannii (Florescence Postpartum)

Talk to any postpartum doula and they will tell you that deep, intentional rest is one of the main pillars of a positive postpartum experience. In order to be able to properly rest, a mother needs two things. Firstly, she needs to truly believe that she is worthy of extended rest after the birth of her baby and secondly, she needs the support of her community.

There is a beautiful quote by ayurvedic doula, the late Ysha Oakes, that says,

“After birth there’s a sacred window of time. A time for complete rejuvenation of a woman’s physical, mental and spiritual health. A time for deep extended bonding with her newborn. The first 42 days set the stage for her next 42 years.” 

Frustratingly, as mothers we have been conditioned to believe that in order to rest we must first achieve. We’ve been told that our worth is defined by our productivity. Yet, for so many new mothers, their days feel quite the opposite of productive. Between the endless feeding, the nappy changes and the settling, it can feel like a repetitive cycle, with little to show for it.

Many mothers get to the end of the day, completely exhausted and feel like they have achieved absolutely nothing, which is just not true. Let this be a reminder: growing a human life is productive. Giving birth to your baby is productive. Cuddling your baby is productive. Staring into your baby’s eyes and wondering how you created such a perfect creature is productive. Resting your tired and sore postpartum body is PRODUCTIVE.

You have been a loving presence, a food source, a comfort. To your baby, you are their whole world. Every day spent with them (even the mundane ones) is full of accomplishment. 

It is time to change the narrative around what makes mothers worthy of rest. Postpartum needs to be less about doing and achieving and more about being. 

Extended rest is the antidote to the toxic ‘bounce back’ and ‘hustle’ culture that we are up against in modern motherhood. We are constantly fed messages that we need to fit back into our old jeans, slot back into our old lives and forge on, do more, pretending as if our world has not been completely transformed by becoming a mother.

Once we can accept that we are worthy of rest without conditions, we open up the potential for a positive and potentially transformative postpartum.

To truly rest, a mother needs to be fully supported by her community. We’ve all heard the saying, ‘It takes a village to raise a child.’ This old African proverb refers to the many members of the community including grandmothers, mothers, sisters, aunties and friends who live in close quarters and contribute to the care of the new mama and her child.

Unfortunately, the way modern families live today is not conducive to the village way of caring for mothers. We live apart from our extended families, often isolated by geography, and are disconnected from our communities by the busyness of modern life. 

This is where re-villaging comes in.

The burden to re-village should not be on a mother’s shoulders. The time has come for communities to step up and prioritise supporting new mothers. Until this community care becomes commonplace, there are some simple ways that mamas can begin to build their village, ideally before they have their baby.

So, what exactly is re-villaging? It’s getting comfortable with asking for help. It’s gathering your circle of support and getting clear on what you need. It is giving to other mothers when you have the capacity – cooking a meal, picking up some groceries, hanging out a load of washing. It’s in the listening without judgement and the circulation of hand-me-downs. It’s the sharing of childcare. The gathering of like-minded mamas. It’s giving when you have the capacity and receiving when you don’t.

Without community support, it is no surprise that new mothers are forced to compromise their rest and jump back into regular domestic and child-rearing duties before they are ready. As a result, they are often left exhausted, depleted and depressed. But with community support, mothers can adequately rest, they can take the time they need to adjust to their new role and ultimately, they can thrive.

So Mama, know your worth. 

Ask for help when you need it. 

Call on your community and remember, rest is the most productive thing you can do right now.

Dannii is a wife, mother of three and postpartum doula. She lives and works on Kaurna Country on the beautiful Fleurieu Peninsula in Adelaide, Australia. She is passionate about supporting new mothers to have a positive and transformational postpartum experience. Her care is a mix of practical and emotional support, infused with ritual and ceremony.

Instagram: @florescence.postpartum
Website: www.florescencepostpartum.com.au