Wise Ways to Teach Your Child About Pain: Lessons for Moms and Dads by Ruth E. Smith PT, CHt

Children have many teachers, yet moms and dads (or other parental caretakers) are always their most convincing influencers. Even though your child’s life-curriculum is already broad and deep, another critical topic must be weaved in. At this time, this information is not mainstream knowledge, so you may be learning alongside your child. 

I encourage you to teach your child wisely about pain. Wisely is the key word. Whether intentional or not, you are already planting seeds in their mind, some helpful and some not-so-helpful. Inadequate or misinformation about pain will unnecessarily grow a disastrous weed garden. Moving forward, let’s plant and nourish strong, beautiful flowers instead. 

First, any notion that pain is evil or unwanted must be replaced with the truth. Pain is your friendly alarm system, signaling possible danger for your safety and survival. Unfortunately, under certain conditions, the system’s on-switch is triggered too easily, or its speaker blares too loudly or for too long. Even though this system may act not-so-friendly at these times, remember and remain grateful for its steady protective purpose.

Second, new research shows that pain is more than just a physical sensation, arising from stimulated pain receptors in your skin or other tissues. Instead, pain is a multi-faceted perception which mixes and mingles many ingredients. For example, when your child is not sleeping well or stressed over homework or friendships, their perception of pain may be aggravated in some way. Generally, any fear-producing beliefs and desperate emotions ramp up the sensitivity of the pain system, initiating its not-so-friendly reputation.

While all children experience pain (except those born with Congenital Insensitivity to Pain), millions live with persistent, disabling (chronic) pain (2021-Pediatric-Pain-Survey-SMALL.pdf). Short-lived (acute) pain indicates a well-balanced, well-functioning alarm system. When pain lasts longer than the expected healing time, the system must be rebalanced. Following are ways to help restore the balanced state.

1. Avoid Overreaction: Whether your child experiences a bruise or broken bone, remain calm and grounded. If you panic or overreact, your worrisome emotions and irrational actions will teach fear and uncertainty. For injuries that require advanced first aid, act swiftly yet confidently. Your child will feel reassured and hopeful, and their pain will be more easily mitigated.

2. Minimize Pain Medications: Instead of masking the pain with an over-the-counter pain reliever, determine the cause of the headache, stomachache, or neck pain. When pain is continually covered up, simple irritations and injuries become complicated and chronic. Pain is your protector, so take its message seriously enough to listen and evaluate. Remember beliefs and emotions are always at play so acknowledge them as possible contributors. By paying attention and acting accordingly, pain may be averted altogether.

3. Prevent Overuse Injuries: Unfortunately, youth athletics have become overly competitive and strenuous. Playing soccer during recess has turned into year-round practices and tournaments. If your child’s body is pushed too hard and too fast, their tissue development can’t keep up with the demand, resulting in overuse injuries and pain. Common painful conditions are growth-plate inflammation, stress fractures, and tendonitis. All are preventable with thoughtful and moderate training practices.

4. Deter Pain-Related Phobias: Trypanophobia - the fear of needle pain - and odontophobia – the fear of dental pain – are two common pain-related phobias in children. Since parents also receive injections and dental work, teaching by example works best. Avoid scary storytelling about your past experiences. Instead, assure them of the importance of these self-care procedures and provide effective calming strategies. For example, ask your child to create favorite scenes or activities in their mind as a distraction. Or encourage them to focus on slow, deep breathing, feeling their chest rise and fall with each in-and-out cycle. 

Since a happy child is the end-goal, then commit lots of time throughout their early years to pain curriculum. As their best teacher and mentor, you must learn more. Read books, watch videos, and chat with experts until pain becomes your friend. In turn, your child will follow your lead and grow more flowers.

As a physical therapist and certified clinical hypnotherapist, Ruth E. Smith offers a bold and intriguing mind-body-spirit approach for physical recovery. Her book, Without Boundaries: Optimizing Physical Recovery with Self-Hypnosis, and other writings connect and align with the powers of the mind: belief, language, mindfulness, and imagination. Her campaign, “Be Aware and Power Up!” enlightens and motivates healthcare consumers about hopeful perspectives and strategies for excellent results. Connect on Facebook and Substack.