More than just a 'snack b*tch' by Lysette

I was recently making small talk with a lady I know. She was explaining to me the reason she went back to work whilst her children were little. 

‘I’m more than just a snack bitch,’ she told me.

I’ve been told I have a loud face. 
What I understand this to mean, is that no matter how convinced I am that my expression is neutral - my face is giving away every detail of my internal reaction to what I’m hearing.

I smiled* understandingly at her. 

(*A poorly hidden grimace made its way across my face, despite my best efforts to conceal it.)

I was so uncomfortable with this description of a Mother’s essence. 

I GET it. 

We feel undervalued. 
We feel unseen.
We feel completely out of control for how we spend our days sometimes.
We have other yearnings inside us that don’t seem to fit within our flurry of duties.
We simultaneously feel both overworked and under-utilised.

But I am yet to meet a Mother who is the sum total of sandwiches she makes.

I am yet to meet a Mother who isn’t filtering the very air her children are breathing.
I am yet to meet a Mother who isn’t the gateway to an intricate wonder-fuelled imaginarium.
I am yet to meet a Mother who isn’t the consistent and dependable bass rhythm - a steadfast foundation for melodies and harmonies, and hosting symphonies from her ever-inclusive and magnetic existence. 

Whether we’re working in the home, or out of the home - we’re infinitely more valuable than whatever this ‘snack bitch’ nonsense is about.

* * * 

I was pretty overwhelmed this year, navigating the change from one child to two. It felt immense and impossible, and I felt incompetent. On top of this, I was so afraid of facing the same debilitating depletion I fell into after having Halo, especially after being so sick whilst growing Lumi (I had Hyperemesis Gravidarum, for which the common name is ‘Hell on Earth,’ I believe.) 
I was very protective of my energy. 
I kept it safe. So safe. 
I kept it so safe, it never saw the light of day. 
Through a series of intricately woven thoughts and life lessons - I eventually remembered that breathing is a two part process. Breathing in. And breathing out. 

The inhalation - or the inspiration. 
And the exhalation - or the expression. 

I was so focussed on keeping my cup filled, that I forgot that we all need to drink at some point. I thought that an overflowing cup was abundance - but actually, it’s waste. Drops of sacred love, falling to the ground for no one’s benefit. 
Abundance that isn’t shared is just hoarding, after all.

I remembered that if you’re only inhaling, you’re not really breathing - you’re just full of air.

I was so focussed on protecting my energy, that I forgot to utilise it for the benefit of my family and community. I prioritised my nutrition and my education and my rest. But I forgot to breathe out in the fullest expression of my creative essence. 
I’m the leader here, I thought. I hold the power to design a life that fulfils us all.
This whole ecosystem grows with the sunlight of my Mother soul. 
I warm this place up. 
I am the womb first and foremost and ever after. 
I hold these people within me and I have an opportunity to really make magic here, if I step into the most dynamic, colourful and deepest expression of the joy and love that run through my veins.

I literally grew these small people from scratch with my bare uterus. 
I have everything within me, and enough golden people surrounding me to flourish here. Maybe the answer doesn’t lie in doing more things to utilise my abilities, but in taking full creative control of the opportunities I have before me. Of never underestimating the earth shaking power I hold as a parent. Of never relegating myself to being solely a fetcher of snacks.

These children are profound vessels of wonder and delight. 
They are the face of God. 
They are the purest human expression of all that is holy and mystical. 
They are my most sacred endeavour.

I am more than just a snack bitch.
I am a Holy Mother of God.

Lysette is a writer and Mother to two little girls, Halo + Lumi. 

Living in Melbourne with her husband Jarrod (and girls), she loves making all manner of things. Making toys, making writing pieces, making up lies about who left the empty toilet roll on the hook...

Shame-shifter and poet of possibility. 

Part time jester and full time Harry Potter quotist. Don't google that last word. It's real.

Blog: https://lysette.substack.com

Instagram: @a.mystical.rebellion