How to Manage Financial Stress by Being a Mindful Mom by Joyce Marter
The transition to motherhood creates change in every aspect of your life: emotionally, physically, professionally, relationally, logistically, spiritually, and financially. If there’s anything I’ve learned as a therapist for over 25 years, it’s that change is stressful for each of us. And if there’s anything I’ve learned as a mom for nearly 20, motherhood brings about enormous personal growth and countless blessings.
Being overwhelmed financially as a mom is normal and understandable; there are many new financial responsibilities and sometimes there are changes in our earnings during motherhood due to taking parental leave, choosing to work part-time, becoming a stay-at-home mom, and more. Here are some of my favorite mindfulness strategies to reduce financial anxiety and improve your mental wellbeing and financial health:
Ground yourself in the present moment. Depression can occur when we ruminate or second guess the past (“Maybe I shouldn’t have quit that job”) or worry about the future (“How am I going to buy diapers next week let alone pay for college?”). Peace can be found in the here and now. As long as you are breathing, you and your baby/babies are safe and okay in the present moment.
Start every day with a mindful moment. Depending on the age of your child/children, your day may start by being awoken by the baby or by your alarm. If you have an infant, consider using quiet feeding time to connect with your breath and your senses–to slow and deepen your breath to bring your attention to the here-and-now. Breathe in what you need (peace, hope, serenity) and breathe out what doesn’t serve you (fear, worry, anxiety). If you have toddlers or older children, consider setting your alarm 30 minutes before they usually wake. This will give you time for mindfulness and self-care to set your day up for success. Consider guided meditations with a financial focus such as abundance and prosperity meditations.
Detach from your ego and connect with your essence. Our ego is our mind’s understanding of ourselves which often judges us harshly and spews negative thoughts filled with fear and worry. Our essence is our deeper spirit within. When we detach from our ego and connect with our essence through mindfulness practices such as deep breathing, meditation, and yoga, we tap into awareness that our financial worries and struggles are how we are, not who we are. We are each innately deserving and worthy. Embrace your self-worth to improve net-worth as you mindfully practice self-acceptance, self-compassion, self-affirmation, and financial self-care.
Zoom out for greater perspective. When you experience financial worry or panic, mindfully zoom out and see the moment as a blip in time during your lifespan. This moment is temporary and it will pass. Personally, it also helped me to look around and see all of us that have successfully made it to adulthood despite our parent’s financial struggles or challenges. Others figured it out and so will you.
Create a money mantra and prosperity affirmations. If you notice fear-based thoughts such as, “How are we going to make rent this month? Or pay for childcare”, quell those fears with the power of mantra. Consider money mantras such as, “This too, shall pass”, or “I trust all will be worked out.” As a mom who is prone to mother guilt and fears of inadequacy, my personal mantra is, “I’m a human being and I’m doing the best that I can and that’s all I can do.” You can also practice prosperity affirmations such as, “I welcome new financial opportunities and solutions”, “I increase my earnings every year”, etc.
Practice healthy detachment from negative emotions triggered by money stress. Through your mindfulness practices, learn to become aware of the waves of negative emotions in your body. Honor them as normal responses to your nature, nurture, and stressors. Practice yourself in self-compassion and allow yourself to feel them and release them in a healthy manner, such as through exhaling, exercise, journaling, or talking with others. Learn how to surf your waves of emotion, rather than becoming engulfed by them so that you can respond thoughtfully rather than react emotionally.
Focus on what you can control and release what you can not control. We can only control our own thoughts, choices, and actions; we can not control others. So empower yourself to do what you can to promote your mental and financial wellbeing, such as looking into financial assistance and other resources that may be available to you and your kids, increasing your financial literacy by reading books and listening to podcasts about personal finance, setting healthy financial limits and boundaries in your relationships, and advocate for yourself financially with assertiveness and negotiation. Hand over what is not within your control to your Higher Power or the Universe to hold for you and let it go.
Access support. It takes a village to raise a child and it takes a village to be a successful mom. Transcend barriers to receiving support (like fear, difficulty trusting, shame or pride) and ask for the help you need and deserve. Consider working with a debt consolidator, financial planner or advisor, and/or a counselor or therapist who specializes in financial stress and the psychology of money.
As you implement these strategies, your financial overwhelm will be replaced with financial peace, hope, and trust. For more tips and strategies to improve your mental health and financial health, consider working the program in my new book, The Financial Mindset Fix: A Mental Fitness Program for an Abundant Life.
Joyce Marter is a licensed psychotherapist with 25 years of experience and entrepreneur who founded and successfully sold Urban Balance, a national outpatient mental health company in the U.S. Marter is an adjunct professor at Northwestern University, an international speaker, blogger for Psychology Today, and a mental health thought leader specializing in the psychology of money.