Birth Stories by Stephanie Heartfield

Our births have the potential to traumatise us or empower us. Sometimes it is not the type of birth we have, but rather how we felt, how we were supported and whether we felt our choices were respected. I had two very different births; one was traumatic and the other empowering – and this story may not unfold the way you expect.

My first birth was a natural water birth through a public hospital here in Australia. 

I was just under the care of midwives. However, I didn't have a regular midwife. It was just whenever I was in labour, I showed up to the hospital and that was the midwife I got. So, there was no consistency of care, which I feel is a big flaw in the system because you want to trust the person who will help you go through this massive change in your life. An event that can be so overwhelming and so intense. 

I remember going into labour, and my water partially breaking because my baby’s head blocked the full release. For 30 hours the water just trickled out because the obstetrician registrar on duty said she would need to rupture my membranes entirely. I never felt safe with her. I didn’t know here, she entered the room commanding authority, with a “do as you’re told” attitude. I know this, because she said this to me once, and at other times she would scoff when I told her I would prefer another option. 

After my waters had completely broken, I experienced intense pain, where I wasn’t even able to roll off the bed. The midwife assigned to me, was willing to do her best to follow my birth intentions, for a natural birth. She got me in the shower; that didn’t help. She put me on a gym ball; that didn’t help. She tried a yoga mat on the floor; also was not helpful.

So she asked the student midwife to run a bath, knowing full well I was in the “pushing stage” and the hospital no longer allowed waterbirths. Something I am very grateful for.

Once I was in the bath, I was floating all over the place. My husband jumped in and helped anchor and ground me, while I focused on birthing our baby into the world.

This entire situation may have seemed like a beautiful way to welcome the baby; myself and husband in the bath, and two midwives assisting. However, there was a senior midwife sitting on a chair right next to the bath, writing notes. I felt like an exhibit at a zoo.

After my baby was finally in my arms, the midwives assisted me quickly out of the bath so they could monitor blood loss. That’s when they told me I had a third degree tear and would need surgery and general anaesthetic. 

I wasn’t willing to have general anaesthetic, so the obstetrician tersely offered a spinal tap. While I waited for an operating theatre to become available, I lay on the bed, holding my newborn on my chest. An hour later, he finally latched for his first breastfeed…then an orderly arrived and told the staff I was to be wheeled down to theatre now.

I voiced my concern and unwillingness for my newborn to be disturbed from his first feed. They not only didn’t listen, the midwife pulled him from me without warning, passed him to my husband and said they couldn’t accommodate even 5 minutes. This lead to 2 weeks of my son struggling to latch. Two weeks filled with expressing, feeding him via an oral syringe and immense stress.

I was separated from my baby for 2 hours during the operation (which was poorly executed, resulting in long term issues). I then spent the first 24 hours attached to a machine that prevented blood clots, as I had no feeling from my hips down due to the spinal tap. The nurses places my baby in the crib and forbid my husband from staying past 8pm at night. Every time my baby cried, I would need to push the buzzer for the nurse, so she could pass him to me. They didn’t want him sleeping next to me in the bed, even though it had rails and I couldn’t move to even roll onto him. It turned out I had a postpartum haemorrhage, which they miscalculated, so I also needed two blood transfusions before I was dischagred. My son and I left that hospital traumatised, alone and unsupported by the medical system.

Fast forward three years and I was pregnant with my second child. After the experience of the third degree tear, I investigated the consequences of another natural birth. I weighed up my options, including that of an elective caesarean section. I also had hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) during this pregnancy and was hospitalised for almost a week during my second trimester because I lost 10kg in 2 weeks and could not eat or drink. My body was physically depleted and I was still experiencing some residual trauma from my first birth.

However, my birthing decision was taken out of my hands when I was told I had placenta previa, and would need to have an elective caesarean. I felt some relief hearing this, knowing that what happened last time, would not unfold the same way this time.

I booked in the procedure, and for months, I already knew when my baby’s birthday would be. It was quite a surreal experience waking up that morning, walking into the maternity ward and declaring “I’m here to have my baby in a few hours.”

This time I had chosen a different hospital. It was smaller, had an amazing reputation, the staff were absolutely amazing, supportive and nurturing, and they respected my choices.

 I had my birth intentions with me. Compared to my first one, this one was only a couple of sentences: I only wanted the obstetrician (who was highly experienced and regarded) touching me and my baby, no registrar was permitted anywhere near me; and I wanted delayed cord clamping. 

The obstetrician was onboard with my choices, he said if he was unable to delay cutting the cord due to my history of a post-partum haemorrhage, he would milk the cord instead.

The anaesthetic/spinal tap did not work too well during the procedure, as I felt more than I should have. However, with the lovely assistance of the anaesthetist, I was able to breathe my way through the pain and discomfort without needing general anaesthetic.

Once I was back in my private room, where my husband was allowed to stay and even given his own bed, I relaxed. Because for the next 4 days, the midwives met all of my needs – they were kind, compassionate, supportive and nurturing. They not only let me co-sleep with my second son for the entire 4 days I was in hospital, they encouraged it. My baby and I were never separated, the way I was with my first son.

I left that hospital feeling supported, respected, empowered and a little bit healed from my first birth experience.

I learned that it isn’t how your baby arrives – whether that be natural, assisted or caesarean – that can cause the most trauma. The trauma and stress come from whether or not you feel supported and respected in the choices you make during the birthing process.

When I say to people my first birth was a natural waterbirth and my second was an elective caesarean, they assume my second birth was traumatic. For me that was not the case. I know that had my choices been respected, I felt safe and supported, and the separations with my son were handled better, then my first birth probably wouldn’t have resulted in the trauma that it did.

I would just love to offer that you deserve to be respected, you deserve to be supported and you deserve to be honoured for the beautiful baby that you're about to bring into the world. In those special intimate moments where that does happen, have the best people around you. Have the people that will unconditionally support, respect and nurture you. Because those people can make all the difference in the world.  

Stephanie Heartfield is the creator and founder of Spirited Hearts® which is a multi-service community supporting children and families. She is a Parenting Support Counsellor, Aware Parenting Instructor and Early Childhood Educator.

Stephanie has spent the better part of two decades, dedicated to child development, trauma and providing support to children, their families and early childhood educators.

She created her Natural Learning & Healing Haven (registered Family Day Care) alongside her husband, Lukas to provide the strongest emotionally supportive environment in the industry, which is trauma-informed, and where children have the space and freedom to be their beautiful, unique selves. 

She provides 1:1 support for parents all over the world, providing a space filled with unconditional acceptance, compassion, empathy and deep listening. Assisting parents with their own childhood traumas, as well as offering healing solutions for many parenting challenges from tantrums and crying to sleep and separation anxiety.

Stephanie has two children of her own, as well as a chocolate lab, rag doll cat and six chickens. 

To find out more about Steph please visit her website https://spiritedhearts.net or Instagram https://www.instagram.com/spirited_hearts or listen to her podcast https://spiritedhearts.buzzsprout.com/