4 Tips to Overcome Perfectionism as a Parent By Kamini Wood
An A+. 100%. A perfect score.
First place. #1. Overall, A champion.
It’s the best you can be. Who wouldn’t want that, right?
You’ve been aiming to be your best your entire life. You want to be the best possible version of yourself. You want your work to mirror that. You want your parenting to mirror that.
Perfect. That’s for what you’re striving.
Hang on a second.
Mistakes are what help you learn. They help you take a step back, slow down, and think about what you can do to make something better for the next time. It’s easy to teach our kids this invaluable lesson, but not so easy to head these words of wisdom ourselves.
Can you really be perfect in everything? Is anything, place, or person truly “perfect?” There’s no such thing as perfection. Progress is greater than perfection.
Here are 4 tips to overcome perfectionism as a parent, or anywhere in life:
1. Pay Attention to Your Thought Patterns
One of the best ways to overcome your perfectionism is to become more aware of the thought patterns and behaviors caused by it. Get a notebook and start writing down some of the thoughts you have about perfectionism and how you show up for your kids. Try to think through some of your past thoughts or actions. This can be a great way to better understand why you may be feeling the need to be perfect.
When you make yourself aware of these thoughts and actions leading to your perfectionism, you can also work to better manage or even prevent them from moving forward. Next time you have a negative thought or feeling that is causing your anxiety about being perfect, you can attempt to dismiss it or replace it with a more positive way of thinking and feeling.
2. Set SMART Goals
Perfectionism can often lead individuals to set goals that aren’t realistic or attainable. This can lead to a vicious cycle of never feeling happy or satisfied with themselves or their work. Try to work on setting SMART goals. SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely. If the goals you set yourself use this outline, it will help you to be less stressed and even more confident in your ability to actually reach and achieve the goals you set for yourself. You can even work on this alongside your kids and teach them how to use SMART goals as well.
3. Practice Self-Care
Perfectionists often have a hard time slowing down, relaxing, or being able to turn off work mode – whether that’s in business or the business of mothering. News flash: Self-care isn’t selfish. Say that again! Self-care isn’t selfish. One of the best things you can do to help with your perfectionism and show up as your best for your family, and improve your overall mental health and wellness, is to take care of yourself, your wants, and your needs! Make sure you’re taking the time to incorporate things that you enjoy doing as well as things that will help you relax into your daily routine.
Here are a few different, very easy ways you can practice self-care when you’re busy:
Read a book
Go for a walk outside
Practice yoga or meditation
Start a journal
4. Hire a Coach
The desire to be perfect can lead to a lot of feelings of anxiety. Luckily, therapy can help with those negative thought patterns and feelings. If you’re struggling with feeling the pressure to be perfect, you’re not alone. Please remember that help is available to you; you just have to ask for it. One of the strongest and best things you can do for yourself and your family is to reach out for the help you need and deserve.
Working with a coach will help you get to the root cause of your anxiety and help you figure out what is making you feel the need to be perfect. It can also help you recognize any signs or symptoms you may be experiencing and help you find ways to better manage and cope moving forward.
Kids are observant sponges, and even when you think they don’t notice things about you, they do. Even when you aren’t conscious of it, you are role modeling for them. The best way that you can set a healthy example is to prioritize your needs and give yourself a break from the relentless need to be perfect.
Kamini Wood, a certified professional coach, helps people take the courageous steps to identify their limiting beliefs, the reasons for their stagnation or feelings of not enoughness, so they can have what they want professionally and personally to live a fulfilled life. She is the creator of AuthenticMe® and CEO of Live Joy Your Way, a coaching company helping high performers and overachievers who have seen success through old-rooted, traditional metrics, reestablish their relational self-awareness. Her best-selling book is Om: Life’s Gentle Reminders. For more information visit www.kaminiwood.com.