The Cost of Holding it All Together: 5 Ways to Prevent Emotional Burnout by Robyn Hock

Keep it together.

Hold it in.

Be strong.

Keep it together for the kids.

For the family.

For the sake of the job.

Many of us have learned, either directly or indirectly, that strength looks like composure. We’ve learned the importance of being the one others can rely on. To keep smiling and to move forward eloquently no matter how heavy the burden you carry despite how your world may be crashing down around you. 

We have therefore, inadvertently become, the rock. Or at the very least, have learned how to appear like one. 

Beneath that steady exterior something else is happening. 

A buildup. Slowly and steadily, we are bubbling up inside like the magma inside a volcano. 

Unprocessed emotions, stress that has not been released, frustration, exhaustion and quiet overwhelm all continue to accumulate overtime. 

When we don’t give ourselves permission to release what we’re carrying, it doesn’t disappear. The continual build up will eventually find its way out.

Often this release occurs unexpectedly, triggered by something trivial but fueled by everything we’ve been holding in for far too long. It’s overwhelming, uncontrollable and leaves us exhausted. We’re left wondering, “how did I get here?”

We got here because we’ve been taught to keep going. To push through. To say, “I’m fine,” even when we are not. 

We are not often taught how to process. How to create space for release. Or taught there is a limit to how much we can internalize before it all bubbles over. 

We all have an inevitable breaking point and holding it all together all the time is not sustainable.

The question then becomes how to we release what we’re carrying before we reach the point where it’s too late?

1. Recognize and validate what you’re feeling
Before anything can be released, it first needs to be acknowledged. 

Many of us have learned to move past our emotions quickly. Too quickly. We’ve learned to minimize them, dismiss them or flat out ignore them so we can keep going. What isn’t acknowledged doesn’t disappear, it gets stored.

Take a moment and ask yourself, “what am I actually feeling right now?”

Recognize, embrace and validate every emotion you experience. Simply embracing and acknowledging your emotions creates space for release.

2. Create small, consistent release points.
You don’t have to let everything out all at once. Create a consistent routine of release. Engage in a consistent activity of journaling, going for a drive listening to your favorite songs, taking a long walk, sitting in quiet reflection or engaging in your favorite hobby. The key here is to be intentional. These small moments of release will prevent an emotional buildup. 

3. Give yourself permission to not be the rock.
Being the strong one doesn’t mean being everything to everyone. Step away from the role of being the one who “holds it all together” and therefore the one everyone goes to, to keep it all together. 

It’s ok to say no, to set boundaries and to not have all the answers. 

Even if the answers you’re looking for are your own.

4. Embrace Vulnerability.
Allow someone else to be your rock and embrace the freedom found in vulnerability. You don’t have to carry everything on your own. Whether it’s a friend, a family member or someone you trust, sharing the burden you carry lifts the weight and creates connection. 

Vulnerability isn’t weakness, it’s release.

5. Check in with yourself.
How often do you ask others what they need, making sure they feel supported and cared for? All the while, you’re putting your own needs on hold. It’s so easy to prioritize everyone else and quietly push yourself aside. 

Your needs matter, too.

Ask yourself what do you need right now? Not later, not when things settle down, not when everyone else is taken care of. Ask this question, now, and answer it honestly. Then give yourself the gift of meeting that need.

Strength isn’t found in holding it together, it’s found in knowing how to release what you’re carrying because you know everything that builds up inside will eventually find its way out.

Robyn Michelle Hock is an author, speaker, and thought leader who writes about authenticity, the courage to be visible, building resilience, and personal transformation. Her work provides proven strategies for individuals to embrace their voice, release limiting expectations, and live with profound courage and clarity. She is the author of two books, The Desire to Love Myself and Table for One, Please. Learn more at www.robynhock.com.