Honor Yourself During the Holidays: 6 Ways to Create a Plan When You Feel Tender by Carol McClelland Fields, PhD, BCC
Whether you are in the midst of a life or career change, honoring an anniversary of a prior loss, or doing some internally inspired soul searching, holiday festivities may feel like too much for you this year.
If you are in a place of releasing something dear to you, feeling emotionally wrung out, or facing a future that is full of question marks, the thought of being surrounded by holiday cheer likely feels out of sync with where you are in your life.
When you can’t come up with the words to describe what’s happening in your own life, how can you possibly tell others? How do you even introduce yourself when you aren’t entirely sure who you are anymore?
During the depths of life and career transitions, it’s common to feel the drawn to hibernate. If you listen, you may notice you are called to go within, spend time reflecting, give yourself a deep rest, or nurture your own needs and desires. As a result, it’s natural to find yourself shying away from big celebrations, lively parties, and social events whether they are with family members, friends, or the public.
Honor your hesitation and create your own path through the holidays with these six gentle steps.
Think ahead. If the upcoming holidays are making you feel uncomfortable, this is a good time to think through how you want to approach the holidays this year. Even if it feels too early (or too late) to solidify your plan, start by exploring some viable options. When the time comes to make your decision, you can assess how you are feeling, revisit what you need over the holiday season, and then design the plan that is best for you in the moment.
Consider traditions. How have you celebrated the holidays in the past? Do any elements of your traditions feel nurturing or precious this year? Are there any parts of your typical celebration that feel like they are too much for you this year? It’s okay to choose to do something different this year. By next year, you may feel comfortable joining in familiar activities, or you may decide to start some new traditions that feel more aligned with where you are then. For now, focus on how you want to approach the upcoming holiday.
Focus on what you need first. As you look ahead, what are three things you crave this holiday season? At this moment, you don’t have to know how you are going to manifest these ideas. For now, just allow yourself to feel into what would be most supportive of you. Do you ache to feel warm, supported, held, comforted, heard, seen, or cherished? Do you want to experience something different, fun, poignant, or simple? Are you dreaming about relaxing, resting, laughing at a good movie, remembering loved ones, reading in a cozy armchair, cooking and eating your favorite comfort food, spending quiet time in nature, or nestling in for a staycation? There are no right or wrong answers to these questions. The key is to feel into your desires for this holiday season.
Explore what you want to experience. Now that you know what you desire, explore various scenarios that can help you create that for yourself. Do you need a quiet, reflective experience by yourself? Do you want to go away to spend time in a special place? Where would you like to visit? Do you want to spend time with your immediate relatives? Do you want to share this time with a close friend? The options are endless. The best answer is the scenario that feels comforting and supportive of your own personal journey this holiday season.
Find the best balance. If you are feeling torn between your own vision and what your family or friends are planning, imagine creative ways to meet your needs and wishes while also factoring in family plans. Brainstorm ways to find the mix that makes you feel safe and honored. Could you stop by for dessert or to watch the game rather than spending the entire day? Could you visit on another day or on another occasion that has meaning for the family? Could you spend one-on-one time with those who feel safe and supportive?
Create your plan. After you have a feeling about what you want, think through what that means. Who needs to know your plan ahead of time? Can someone help you work out the best way to communicate your needs? Do you have an ally who can be there if you need to adjust your plan on the fly? Thinking these pieces of your plan through before the holidays allows you to create a celebration (or non-celebration) that helps you feeling as safe and as supported as possible.
Your loved ones may not understand your decision to do the holidays differently this year and they may choose to take it personally at first. Keep anchored in your own knowing that you aren’t making different plans to hurt them; you are creating your own plans to nurture yourself.
Although you might be tempted to give in to everyone else’s needs, it’s important to honor yourself at this time in your life. If you decide to change your mind at the last minute, that’s okay. Depending on how you are feeling that day, you might choose not to drop in after all or you might find you want to stay longer than you anticipated. It’s all okay as long as you are choosing what helps you feel safe and supported.
Carol McClelland Fields, PhD, an award-winning author and Board Certified Coach, provides inspiration and practical support for those who are in the midst of transition. Embrace a new relationship with change. Carol works with people globally, including professionals who work with clients in transition, as an emerging or seasoned coach, therapist, or other Change Catalyst. Download Carol's eBook, Riding the Waves of Change: Growing, Healing, and Evolving Through Times of Deep Uncertainty at www.CarolMcClellandFields.com.