5 Keys to Good Parenting: Why “Good Enough” Is More Than Enough by Maria Lentzou, LMFT, NTP

With the families I work with, I witness time after time how parents want the best for their children, even though sometimes they do not know how to provide that. Many try so hard to do everything right that when things don’t go well, they end up being harsh on themselves. But parenting is not about perfection. It’s about being good enough. What matters most is not having every answer, but showing up with presence, honesty, and love. Here are five practices that can make a big difference.

1. Be Present
Nothing matters more to a child than the actual presence of their parent. Being present means setting aside your phone, work, and distractions, and giving your child your undivided attention. Sometimes this means playing together; other times, it may be simply sitting nearby while they do their own thing. One child once told me what makes them feel special, which was to have our undivided attention 100 percent. That’s what presence feels like to a child. Knowing you are there for them, loving them unconditionally. Of course, in everyday life you can’t give 24/7 attention, but you can make it a priority to have regular times of true connection, where you are fully present with your child. These can become some of your best memories together.

2. Be Curious
When children share something, our first impulse as parents is often to correct or protect. But this can shut them down. Instead, pause and listen. Listen more than you talk. Be curious about what they think, why they said or did something, what they are trying to express. Ask gentle, open-ended questions and use expressions like “Tell me more” to encourage your child to develop their thinking and reasoning. Curiosity opens the door for connection and trust. When a child feels first heard and respected, they are much more open to hear your thoughts and guidance.

3. Praise
Children thrive on encouragement. Praise what they do well: their effort, intentions, words, or actions. Too often we focus on what went wrong, what the child didn’t do, or how they misbehaved, while their positive qualities pass by unnoticed. Many children hear from others that their parents are proud, but never hear it directly. Let them know, in your own words, what you appreciate about them. Where attention goes, energy flows. The more you recognize the positive, the more it grows. And it is equally important to express your love for your child independently of any actions or behaviors, simply because you love them for who they are.

4. Set Healthy Limits
Limits provide structure and safety, even if children push against them. Being firm and loving at the same time teaches respect without fear. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean being authoritarian, nor does it mean letting children do whatever they want. It means being clear and consistent, while also acknowledging their feelings. Healthy limits help children feel secure enough to grow.

5. Apologize
No one is perfect, and no parent can be perfect either. There will be moments when you lose your temper or act in ways you regret. When that happens, own it. Simply say, “I’m sorry. That wasn’t okay.” and acknowledge that it was not your child’s fault. Let them know you are doing your best to improve yourself. If you do not apologize or acknowledge your mistake, children will often blame themselves instead, thinking they did something wrong or that they are not a good child or somehow good enough.

Repairing the relationship is just as important as trying to avoid mistakes in the first place. Apology and repair show your child that relationships can be mended, and that love is steady even when things go wrong. At the same time, repair doesn’t mean we stop making an effort to grow and change. It is the combination of doing our best to improve and also being willing to repair that gives children both security and trust. And when you take responsibility in this way, you model honesty and teach them that it is safe to have feelings and to be human.

Parenting will never be perfect, and it doesn’t need to be. Presence, curiosity, praise, loving limits, and honesty create the foundation for children to thrive. And just as important, they allow parents to relax into the truth. Being good enough really is enough.

Maria Lentzou, LMFT, NTP, weaves together therapy, expressive arts, and creative projects to inspire both children and adults to live with ease, and to embrace curiosity, presence, and authentic connection. She is author of the award-winning children’s book for emotional growth MarlaGran: The Girl Who Wants to Live Creatively. Maria leads retreats and Authentic Movement groups that explore inner freedom and feminine essence. For more information visit www.marialentzou.com.