My Journey from One to Two by Annie Stone
There was never a doubt in my mind that I would have more than one child. How many children was never something I gave much thought to but one thing I knew for sure was that when I did have children I would not have an only child. So once my son Jacob turned two, the time came for the conversation I always knew we would have; ‘should we start trying for another baby?’ My husband Jonathan being an only child himself was not bothered with the number of children we would have but was very happy when I mentioned trying for another. The day we had been waiting for came and in September 2014 we found out we were pregnant! Shortly after we had our gender scan and found out we were having another boy! I was very happy to know that Jacob was going to have a little brother. I myself have three sisters and know what a fantastic bond same sex siblings have. Throughout the rest of my pregnancy I day dreamed about what our baby would look like and pictured two little boys playing together as we looked on from afar. I also worried about loving another child as much as I loved Jacob, I couldn’t quite picture it in my head and I hoped Jacob wouldn’t feel any resentment to his new baby brother.
The day our second son Noah was born I was on cloud nine, relishing in that toxic newborn, oxytocin enhanced glow. I fell in love just as hard as I had with Jacob and I felt as though everything in the world was perfect. However that glow quickly faded once we brought Noah home from the hospital. A few days later as the hormones built up inside of me and my milk eventually came in, I started to feel very down and once we had put Jacob to bed at night I would often cry to Jonathan about how I was feeling. All I could think about was that I had somehow ruined Jacobs life and turned everything upside down, he suddenly looked so different, so grown up and I felt as though he didn’t need me as much as he used to or maybe that all my attention was now focused on the baby that he felt I didn’t have as much time for him. As the days passed I began to feel less emotional and eventually life began to gain some normality. However I still couldn’t shake the awful feeling that Jacob was unhappy and I found myself longing for the days that it was just the two of us again, which in turn made me feel awful. Jonathan would reassure me that Jacob was perfectly happy, which in reality he was but I still couldn’t seem to let it go.
Now 14 months later I know that it was all part of the adjustment period of bringing a new life into our family, It was around the time that Noah turned 4 months old that I felt our lives had truly settled and I could enjoy my boys relationship starting to blossom. They are now the best of friends, they love each one minute and are fighting the next, but I wouldn’t change any of it for the world. My advice to any mothers going though something similar or are about to take the same journey is that the feelings will fade and eventually life will become normal again.
Going from one to two is the hardest; but to me it has been the most rewarding.
My name is Annie Stone, I am wife, a proud mum to two beautiful boys aged 14 months & 4 years & a student midwife. Living in a little town in Hertfordshire in the UK.