Why Children Need Fairy Tales for Their Well-Being by Lubomira Kourteva
Let’s delve into the magical world of a child’s mind and the paths they walk with their beloved fairy tale friends.
Despite the digital world that we live in today, fairy tales are still important as they carry important benefits for children’s well-being. Tales speak a child’s language and allow them to feel their emotions in safe and healthy ways, even when they can’t make sense of them. Tales nurture children’s imagination, while relieving their worries and fears. In many ways, tales offer children coping mechanisms and comforting hands during their intense moments of childhood. Tales also allow us, as a family, to cultivate and nurture a loving space of connection and more closeness.
It is no easy task being a child. Real childhood is full of adversaries, unknowns, and intensities. Along the way, our little ones are faced with some harsh realities of their larger-than-life dreams as they come to not being realized. They face the mysterious hands of “No” when they want candy at midnight, or to watch yet another movie or, in the past couple of years, want to play without a mask. These mysterious hands of “No” remain mysterious for reasons our children are not capable of understanding yet. And no matter how much we want to shield and protect them as parents, childhood, as life itself, will always have its own intensities.
Hope is often the through-line of tales’ narrative, though the teaching isn’t that it’s easy. Hope doesn’t always get us out of trouble like fairy dust or Aladdin’s genie from the lamp. Hope is a struggle. Hope can be challenging. Yet hope is absolutely necessary because we need to learn to meet the world with hope.
It is true that a lot of tales are quite dark and even frightening, which is often the concern of some parents. We might wonder, “Should we be telling such stories to our children then?”
Based on Jungian psychology, yes. They are nothing to fear and actually teach children how to deal with life’s challenges, conflicts, and desires in a healthy way. The seeming violence or darkness within the tales is usually contained within a reasonable and satisfying structure. Both good and bad are separated clearly, leaving no grey areas for confusion. From a psychological perspective, this is important for children because, unlike adults, children only have their emotional body forming until the age of seven. In other words: Without the mental body well formed to rationalize, small children perceive the world only through their emotions and feelings, and they may not have the tools yet to navigate through ambiguity. The appearance of villains and evil people allows the child to freely, and safely, project its own violent feelings onto these characters in a clear and separated manner. Since most children are unable to express their anger, sadness and even hatred, because they depend on the adults in some shape or form, the children can therefore place these natural emotions and aggressions as personified by the tales’ villains, rather than suppressing them.
Simultaneously, since their emotions are expressed in a satisfying manner, children can then identify with the good characters. They have now won against the dragon, escaped the witch through the thorns of the scary forest, and can now acquire their justice after their hardships. It might seem non-sensical to us, or even absurd and unhealthy, but children have their own unique emotional wild lands, and they need to be able to process emotions in such a way. Children can also identify with the weak and tiny in the tales, who are able to overcome all odds and still triumph, like the little mouse, the bunny or the poor shoemaker. Tales permit the expression of our natural human emotions, while preserving the essentials of life: hope and love.
In our life, it is love or fear that ultimately guide our decisions. It’s a choice we make each day, and one of the most important lessons in fairy tales is the power of the heart. Tales teach children of that, and it’s a wisdom deeply ingrained within the psyche, that stays within and guides them through adulthood.
In “The Snow Queen” by Hans Christian Andersen, little Gerda goes through so many obstacles along the way. It is a powerful story about love, about trust, about believe – it is a story about the power of the heart, and what to do when we feel the coldness upon us.
Who hasn’t like Gerda been exiled from the familiar comforts of the world they once knew? Who hasn’t had a dream or a person taken away? Who hasn’t faced challenges, when mysterious hands reached out to limit our reality? Who hasn’t had a deep yearning that no one else, aside from just one person, could have soothed? Who hasn’t felt lost in the forest, almost lost hope, and just then, a helping hand held us to guide us forward?
And like Kay, who hasn’t experienced despair and a frozen heart, felt lost and isolated from what once warmed our tender heart? Who hasn’t felt estranged in an unknown land, fallen into a strange new world? Who hasn’t sometimes retreated into a fortress, which shined bright as ice, yet was lonely and colourless inside because there was something still missing? Who hasn’t surrounded themselves with the logical and material, just to soothe the self, yet their soul was still yearning? Who hasn’t met a cold ice queen or king? And who hasn’t negated their own self, believing themselves unworthy and unloved?
In “The Snow Queen”, as in most other fairy tales, we learn that the greatest magic of all is the power of love:
“And the magic woman said,
‘Yes, I can tie all the winds and storms with a single thread. But I cannot give her any greater power that what she has already. Don’t you see how strong that is? How men and flowers and animals serve her and help her, and how well she got through the world, barefoot as she is? She cannot receive any power greater than what she has now, which is held in her own purity and innocence of heart. It is only this love that can defeat snow kingdoms and melt the ice from Kay’s heart. And even with all my magic, I bow to such power.’”
We have to remember that children are fragile, helpless and completely dependent on adults and all else around them. And in these old tales, they actually find a comforting hand, holding them through it all. Especially in the times when their worlds seem confusing and they don’t know how to make sense of it, when they don’t even know what questions to ask us, it is the tales that speak to them in a language that they understand. While we as adults may have forgotten these magical languages, children know them, feel them and need them.
Children need stories and tales, because they relate to the characters who, just like them, feel all the spectrum of emotions, and as such, they feel more comfortable feeling their own emotions as well. Children can look at these tales like a beloved friend and feel less alone when they face adversaries.
In an age where everything is increasingly dehumanized, where people are turned into algorithms, just faces on screens, swipeable and disposable, and where even culture and art seem to diminish our lives as opposed to enriching it, it is precisely tales that offer a much needed link to the values of humanity and humanness.
And then, there’s the benefit of imagination. When I was a little girl, every time I’d listen to a tale, I’d have to use my imagination. I’d have to first believe it to then, see it. One of our greatest gifts, aside from the power of our heart, is the power of our mind. Developing our imagination is what helps children develop their own psyche. The instant gratification that we are used to getting in our modern world creates a lot of obstacles, and reinforces conditioned thinking and limited understanding. We get shorter attention spans. We lack creativity. We want things now and instantly. And we have problems creating what we want, perceiving other worlds and realities of adversary opinions, or even imagining something better for our own lives. Imagination is also the skill that makes the best and most innovative change-makers and problem-solvers in the world. It is also what makes us more fulfilled, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. We shouldn’t rob children of their imagination because it ultimately affects their overall well-being and future potential.
Fairy tales also offer the perspective, or rather the alternative, that there are some other magical lands into which we can delve, outside the malls and corporations. They show us appreciation for nature, animals and all wild life. Tales inspire the immeasurable qualities of imagination, questioning, instinct, and even discernment. In a way, these qualities lead towards independent, forward thinking to be developed in the child’s mind.
Fairy tales are also the first teachers to children, and storytelling itself was the first teacher of all humanity – threads of wisdoms secretly living continuously in the stories, weaving in and out of our lives, passed down from generations and generations. For these were not only just stories heard, but stories we went into. We lived in them and the characters. We struggled with them. We sharpened our instincts in the deep scary woods. And we learned perseverance through the obstacles and failures. Our ever after had to be earned and not everyone got to it. We know the value of it.
Most fairy tales aren’t about heroes with special powers. They are about humble, ordinary people or tiny animals and creatures, who aren’t the most beautiful, talented, bravest nor strongest. And even when they are, these qualities are often hidden under ash or donkey-skins, because they are unnoticed, unseen, unheard or unappreciated by those around them. Any gifts that the characters are given, and rewards overdue, are because of their virtues such as kindness and devoted work behind the scenes.
And even the beautiful and wealthy, princes and princesses, also go through their own hardships and hurdles. We learn that we all share things in common and no matter where we come from or what we look like, we can all walk together in compassion, hand in hand, through life. The characters get cheaten, lied to, bullied, robbed, but they learn that they are stronger than they thought – and that their superpower is the one found in their hearts.
And we, as them, learn to cope with life also. Some even remember the magical powers of love. There has been numerous research showing that children who grew up with fairy tales had healthier coping strategies during hardships.
Of course, not all tales have happy ends. But we remember that it is our own feet and hands that can shape and weave our lives. And we take a step. And then, another step. On foot after the other. Who knows what help will be around the corner? We just never know who might show up in the story, during our uncertainties and doubts and fears, on the next line or page of life. It could be kindness from the hand of a stranger, or a firepit in the cold forest.
The lessons of fairy tales are subtle but they stay in the subconscious mind through adulthood. In many ways, these are the moral and humane structures and foundations of the life we build for ourselves. Storytelling is powerful.
And we learn to persevere.
And we learn to trust.
And we learn to love, and shape love.
It is easy for us as adults to sometimes rest in cynicism, and with so much doubt, fear and uncertainties that we face, we ourselves are going though our own hardships. But we must also shift our eyes towards our little ones, who just like us faced their own hardships during these times of the past few years; they faced the intensities feeling the unknown around them and the instabilities of change. And while they can rarely shape emotions into words at young age, tales can help them tremendously, like a beloved friend would.
While we can’t protect our children from the world and all its worries, we can hold them through it. We can show them how even when things are uncomfortable, there is a way forward. We can show them how hope is the through-line of the narrative. We can show them that no matter how muddy waters get, no matter how wide forest trees hide things from our eyes, the whisper of love will guide us along the leafy twists and turns of life’s paths, always.
We’ll tell them all about these little wisdoms, as they lay their tiny heads upon our laps and look at us with big bright eyes, while we read them a story tonight. It’s a story of love after all. Because it’s a loving space of connection and closeness that we’ll share. Isn’t that magic?
Lubomira Kourteva is a Canadian author, poetess, humanitarian, and teacher of the Sacred Arts. She is founder of Art of Love, an initiative and publication devoted to deepening our connections, so that we lead more spiritually and emotionally fulfilling lives; by exploring the wisdom and secrets of our ancestors, and unveiling the beauty beyond the veil and within ourselves. She teaches and writes on relationships and intimacy, spirituality and empowerment, holistic wellness, and folklore. You can read her work and learn more about her at her official website.