Pregnancy Loss VLOG by Sarah Olsen
I wanted to share my story of pregnancy loss that happened towards the end of 2019 before I was pregnant with my baby now. Teresa and I were in the middle of finishing the last touches of the edit of our book. We had dedicated a full chapter to pregnancy loss written in Teresa’s voice as she was the only one of the two of us who had experienced it. I wrote a disclaimer at the beginning of the chapter talking about how to be friend during this time and how we both really felt this chapter should be told from Teresa’s POV.
Though I knew the statistics and how common it was, I did not expect or have any idea that it would happen to me. I had two healthy pregnancies before and I was pregnant around 8 weeks and had already heard the heartbeat early. I went in for an ultrasound with my son, my husband and our doula/nanny we were all excited to see the baby and talk about the weeks ahead when the energy in the room shifted very quickly as the ultrasound tech touched the wand to my belly. I tell the whole story in the videos below but I leave you with this.
It was important for us to go back to the chapter we wrote on pregnancy loss and tell my story. It helped me so much to pour over that chapter and everything that Teresa had written and researched. It made the world of difference for me as I cried and ached in my body in a way I couldn’t even comprehend. I felt connected to Tez and to the other women who had shared their stories and I felt I had to share that this happened to me while writing our book because we want women to know that you are not alone. It is so very common and you did nothing wrong. Someone told me that sometimes the little soul isn’t ready and your body needs more time.
I share my story of recovery and self care after the loss in the videos as well as I hope they will encourage others to take the time you need to heal both mentally and physically.
With love,
Sarah
The ocean began my healing process.
The day before my procedure I felt very much in limbo. It felt so odd to know my baby didn’t make it but was still inside my body. Every time I tried to get off the couch the weight of my grief was so heavy I just had to lay back down. Eric and the kids spent most of the day outside and at some point Eric suggested I put on my wetsuit and go for a paddle board. I didn’t really want to but they were headed to the beach so I thought I would try.
I paddled along watching the fish under the board and at some point I sat with my feet in the water and sobbed. I cried from my belly in a way I haven’t in a long time and I remember laying my head on the board and tasting the Salt water on my lips. I was all alone out there crying on the water and took this time to say goodbye to the little one that had spent 8 weeks inside of me. I thanked my body and prayed for healing. I felt as though I shed some grief out there in the ocean that day and I’m grateful for the time I had to be alone and say goodbye.
My bestie kacy brought over chocolate and wine the night I found out. I was so sad and a bit distraught. She showed up at my door and we cried, we hugged, we ate the best damn chocolate and we just talked. It was more than I could ever ask for and everything I needed that night.
The day of the paddle board session.