10 Questions Every First-Time Mom Should Ask During Pregnancy by Dr Jennifer Lincoln
No two pregnancies are alike. This might sound obvious, but I sometimes feel I want to shout it from the rooftops! I've spent years as an OB-GYN delivering babies and supporting pregnant people through every kind of journey: the textbook ones, the complicated ones, and everything in between. And the one thing I can tell you with certainty? What your best friend experienced, what your mom went through, what you read in that parenting forum at 2am — none of it is guaranteed to be your story.
That's actually good news. Because when you stop trying to match someone else's experience and start asking the right questions about your pregnancy, everything shifts.
Here are the 10 questions I wish every first-time mom asked:
1. What's normal for my body right now? Symptoms vary wildly. Ask your provider what to expect based on your specific history, not a generic checklist.
2. What warning signs should I never ignore? Know your red flags — heavy bleeding, severe headaches, decreased fetal movement. This can also vary based on your own medical history and the details of your pregnancy, so don’t be afraid to ask your doctor or midwife for the specifics.
3. Do I need any additional screenings or testing? Depending on your age, family history, and background, your screening needs may differ from a friend's. Ask, and if you feel you’re not getting a detailed answer, know that you can request a referral to a genetics counselor who can spend time going in depth with you.
4. What's your philosophy on birth plans? You want a provider who will work with your preferences, not dismiss them. This question tells you a lot!
5. Are there any additional risks I should know about given my background or identity? Black and brown moms face higher rates of maternal complications — and the data is clear that implicit bias in healthcare is real. You deserve a provider who takes your concerns seriously, orders the right tests, and never makes you feel like you have to fight to be heard.
6. What's your practice's philosophy on doulas — and do you actively welcome them? Not all providers are created equal when it comes to doulas. Some embrace them as part of the care team; others tolerate them at best. Studies show doulas reduce C-section rates significantly, shorten labor, and drastically improve patient satisfaction — so you want a provider who sees them as partners, not obstacles. If your practice isn't actively encouraging doula support, that might just be a red flag.
7. Is my mental health on your radar too? Anxiety and depression during pregnancy are common and treatable. Your provider should be asking — if they're not, you ask.
8. Is there an OB hospitalist on labor and delivery 24/7? This is a safety question, and it's one most first-time moms never think to ask. An OB hospitalist is a physician who lives on labor and delivery around the clock and has expertise in managing emergencies — meaning if something changes fast, there's a doctor already in the building, not driving in from home. Not every hospital has this model. Ask yours if they do.
9. When should I call after hours versus wait until my next appointment? Knowing this in advance saves you from anxious middle-of-the-night spiraling (we've all been there). And every practice should have someone you can reach in the middle of the night, on weekends, and on holidays.
10. What's your philosophy on birth — and do you see it as a team effort? The best outcomes happen when patients, partners, nurses, and providers are all working together toward the same goal. Ask your provider how they approach shared decision-making, how they handle it when a patient wants to go a different direction, and whether they see your birth preferences as a starting point for conversation or an inconvenience. The answer will tell you everything about whether you've found the right fit.
The bottom line: your pregnancy deserves personalized attention, not a one-size-fits-all approach. The best thing you can do is show up curious, ask questions without apology, and remember that you are the expert on your own body.
Dr. Jennifer Lincoln is a board-certified OB-GYN, author of The Birth Book: An OB-GYN’s Guide to Demystifying Labor and Delivery, and creator of evidence-based reproductive health content followed by 4 million people across social media. For more on navigating pregnancy with confidence, check out The Birth Book — Dr Lincoln’s guide to demystifying labor and delivery for exactly this kind of first-time mom who wants real answers, not reassuring vagueness. https://www.drjenniferlincoln.com/.